In Search of Happiness

I love New Year Resolutions.  To gain inspiration for 2016, I read two very different books on happiness.  Don't get me wrong.  I am far from being an unhappy person. But given the available literature, I guessed there was something new to learn. After all, one such search led me to the practice of meditation, which I have written about in earlier blogs.

So, the two books. The first was a delightful book entitled "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin.  Written in a style that is self deprecating, I laughed out loud in parts simply because of the craziness of the entire project. Gretchen, having reached middle aged, and relatively happy with her life as a lawyer, wife, and mother of two girls, finds herself wanting more.  Unlike Elizabeth Gilbert of "Eat, Pray, Love" fame, she had no intention of abandoning all her obligations and running off to Italy, India or Indonesia.  Instead, she was prepared to incorporate little changes to her present life, things that would make her happier.  In short, a course that most of us are more prepared to take.

She researched widely on the topic of Happiness, distilled all the advice, grouped them and then attempted all of them over the course of the year.  A humorous OCD person, she used charts and lists to track her progress over the course of the year.  The result is this book about her experience.

Some of the advice in the book is practical ("clear clutter"), some inspirational ("try something new") and some loony ("sing in the morning"), but all logical in how the actions would make you happier.

The second book is written by Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Professor of Psychology from the University of California (Riverside),  Coming from a new branch of psychology called positive psychology, Sonja bases the book on her own research evidence.  Her conclusion is that  50% of our happiness is pre-determined by our genes - some of us are simply more predisposed to be happier than others.  A surprisingly low 10% is determined by our life circumstances - whether a person is rich or good looking.  Over 40% is within the control of the individual.  Our happiness is determined by our attitudes and the intentional activities we engage in. To be happier, we should do things and develop habits that allow us to become nicer people, and more connected with others.

In turns out that Happiness is in the end, very much correlated to the quality of relationships that one has.  Those with strong relationships with their immediate loved ones, and wider connections with society tend to be happier individuals.  This conclusion is completely validated by the findings from the most comprehensive 75-year longtitudinal study done by the Harvard Study on Adult Development.  (See Robert Waldinger's TED Talk).  It found that good relationships kept people healthier and happier.  The single best predictor of who at 50 would grow to be a healthy and happy octogenarian, was the degree of satisfaction the individual had with his close relationships.

So what did I pick up? From Gretchen, it was to clear up clutter.  It gave her such a high that I want to feel the same rush from clutter clearing.  (This would also qualify for me as trying something new.)  From Sonja, it is to radiate a little more positivity in my daily life, including showing little acts of kindness.  From Robert, it is to lean into relationships. The good life is built around good relationships.  Bring on 2016!