In Search of Happiness

I love New Year Resolutions.  To gain inspiration for 2016, I read two very different books on happiness.  Don't get me wrong.  I am far from being an unhappy person. But given the available literature, I guessed there was something new to learn. After all, one such search led me to the practice of meditation, which I have written about in earlier blogs.

So, the two books. The first was a delightful book entitled "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin.  Written in a style that is self deprecating, I laughed out loud in parts simply because of the craziness of the entire project. Gretchen, having reached middle aged, and relatively happy with her life as a lawyer, wife, and mother of two girls, finds herself wanting more.  Unlike Elizabeth Gilbert of "Eat, Pray, Love" fame, she had no intention of abandoning all her obligations and running off to Italy, India or Indonesia.  Instead, she was prepared to incorporate little changes to her present life, things that would make her happier.  In short, a course that most of us are more prepared to take.

She researched widely on the topic of Happiness, distilled all the advice, grouped them and then attempted all of them over the course of the year.  A humorous OCD person, she used charts and lists to track her progress over the course of the year.  The result is this book about her experience.

Some of the advice in the book is practical ("clear clutter"), some inspirational ("try something new") and some loony ("sing in the morning"), but all logical in how the actions would make you happier.

The second book is written by Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Professor of Psychology from the University of California (Riverside),  Coming from a new branch of psychology called positive psychology, Sonja bases the book on her own research evidence.  Her conclusion is that  50% of our happiness is pre-determined by our genes - some of us are simply more predisposed to be happier than others.  A surprisingly low 10% is determined by our life circumstances - whether a person is rich or good looking.  Over 40% is within the control of the individual.  Our happiness is determined by our attitudes and the intentional activities we engage in. To be happier, we should do things and develop habits that allow us to become nicer people, and more connected with others.

In turns out that Happiness is in the end, very much correlated to the quality of relationships that one has.  Those with strong relationships with their immediate loved ones, and wider connections with society tend to be happier individuals.  This conclusion is completely validated by the findings from the most comprehensive 75-year longtitudinal study done by the Harvard Study on Adult Development.  (See Robert Waldinger's TED Talk).  It found that good relationships kept people healthier and happier.  The single best predictor of who at 50 would grow to be a healthy and happy octogenarian, was the degree of satisfaction the individual had with his close relationships.

So what did I pick up? From Gretchen, it was to clear up clutter.  It gave her such a high that I want to feel the same rush from clutter clearing.  (This would also qualify for me as trying something new.)  From Sonja, it is to radiate a little more positivity in my daily life, including showing little acts of kindness.  From Robert, it is to lean into relationships. The good life is built around good relationships.  Bring on 2016!

Winson Pola (1968-2016)

When people meet and reminisce about school days, the conversation will inevitably gravitate to the special individuals whom everyone in the school would recall. These were the individual who walked life on the wild side, were unique in what they did or what they could do, who stood out for the risks they took - sometimes for sheer fun, sometimes for a cause, someone who was the centre of the party, one who could crack everyone up without even trying. 

Winson would have been one of the special individuals.  

Winson and I became friends in Indonesia.  Our wives shared a connection as our kids were friends in the British International School in Jakarta.  I later learnt that my brother studied with Winson in Ohio.  We shared the same group of friends in Jakarta.  We enjoyed a good laugh over drinks and sometimes over unhealthy food.  

Winson had a special love for horses having been in equestrian activities in his younger days. He owned a stable in Sukabumi where he occasionally retreated to on weekends. His gregarious nature meant that he would have people over and was generous with his time.  He allowed autistic kids to ride his horses. (That is Isabelle, his daughter on the horse!) He introduced his immediate family and shared what he did.  This eventually presented opportunities for us to work with each other professionally. 

Winson saw the world in black or white.  If you were his friend, you felt it.  He would stand by you.   Winson brought laughter to everyone without really trying.  A mutual friend described Winson as someone who had "no filter" as he constantly made comments which were terribly inappropriate in the company but never hurtful. He always went overboard with food.  100 satays or 10 packets of Kuay Teow Goreng were common numbers he brought to parties.  I once had a meal with him where he ordered more than 20 dishes.  Another friend described Winson as a "Toyota that ran like a Ferrari".  He pushed himself to the limit. Because of his extensive network and influence, his ability to get things done, and his courage, he was a go-to person for many of his friends and partners. His involvement in politics, especially during the 2014 campaign with Gerindra and Gen Probowo, was intense.   In the hurly burly of politics in Indonesia, his family even experienced an unfortunate attack on their property.   

Winson lived the life he wanted - high energy and on the edge.  This however took a toll on him.  He suffered two mild strokes at a very young age. But far from taking this as a warning for him to slow down, Winson continued to keep long hours and ate what he wanted.  I have it reliably reported that his last three meals were Nasi Padang, Bebek Goreng and Kuay Teow Goreng, not food that would help keep the risks low.  

But all these traits made Winson our Winson, someone we have come to accept and love.  

I last spoke to Winson on the 3^rd of Jan 2016.  Our phone conversation was brief and incomplete as I was driving in New Zealand on a family holiday.  I wanted to continue the conversation when I returned to Singapore. 

I never got the chance. 

On Thursday, 7^th Jan 2016, without any warning, Winson suffered a massive stroke and was taken to Medistra hospital in Jakarta. Due to inadequate medical attention  Winson slipped into a coma, a state he remained in until his passing on 15th Jan 2016 in Singapore. The rapid deterioration involved him catching an infection from Medistra.  His passing was a shock to all – his friends, acquaintances and his family.

Winson leaves behind his wife Angelina, his 17 year old daughter Isabelle and many devastated friends.  Although he was never outwardly demonstrative of his love for Isabelle, in one of his final conversations with me, he told me how proud he was of his daughter for her having secured a conditional entry into Edinburgh University in Scotland.  

Many of us came to bid him farewell today.  The outpouring of sorrow on one’s passing is a good reflection of how one lived ones life.  Winson taught me the value of generosity and a big heart. He was a soul that has left us far too early.

I will miss him dearly. Winson Pola my friend, Rest in Peace.    

The Sixth Extinction

I rate Elizabeth Kolbert's "The Sixth Extinction" as one of the top three non-fiction books ever written, simply for the clarity in which she presents scientific and irrefutable evidence of the damage humankind is doing to to Planet Earth.  We are in the midst of another mass extinction of species, the sixth in planet Earth's very long history.  But only this time, the cause is not cosmic in nature - like an orbital shift, a massive volcanic eruption leading to the cooling of the entire planet and an ice age, or the crashing of a meteorite that drove the dinosaurs to extinction - but by the actions of a species on Earth itself, Man.
 
New Zealand tells the story of man's interference best.  New Zealand is as far away from the old world as you can possibly get.  Its relative isolation meant that it maintained a unique ecosystem for millions of years.  Because it lacked predatory land mammals and reptiles, New Zealand was a bird paradise for all kinds of birds, including flightless birds.  New Zealand was the last major landmass on Earth to be settled with humans. 

Maoris settled in New Zealand, perhaps only as late as the 1300s.  They hunted for survival and drove both the giant Moa and the Hasst eagle to extinction.  Europeans came in significant numbers in the 1800s.  When humans first arrived in New Zealand, it was completely forested.  Today, only 30% of forests remain.  Trees were harvested for their wood and land was cleared for industrial scale agriculture.  But the true damage was the introduction of mammals from the Old World.  New Zealand, at the time when humans colonised it, was mammal free.  (It also has no snakes or crocodiles or scorpions.)  Humans thought it wise to import sheep, goats, cows, horses, deer, dogs and cats.  Humans also unknowingly introduced pests such as rabbits and rats.  At times, the naive thinking bordered on being comedic.  To control the rabbit population which had taken a liking to plants that were grown for food, the stoat was introduced. But stoats were voracious breeders and did just feed on rabbits but all kinds of birds as well. They were particularly good tree climbers, and took a liking to all kinds of eggs. 
 
The damage has been catastrophic.  Since the Europeans arrived, 43% of native bird species, many of them flightless birds, have been made extinct. There are also species of bats, frogs and other invertebrates that have also vanished in a short period of time.  Today, at least 50 species are on the IUCN endangered species list, including multiple species of penguins and dolphins.  The change in the habitat, caused by humans affects animals in ways that we sometimes cannot even predict.   The yellow eyed penguin for example like sandy beaches as much as humans do.  But they will not come onto the beach if they see potential predators around - a triat they learnt probably from being in the sea where there is real danger of being eaten.   And humans also love beaches.  One has to give.

What nature has created in millions of years, we have eliminated within a few hundred years.

New Zealand is trying to reverse the effect. Predator free zones have been created on islands on lakes or off shore islands (like Stewart Island in the South) where predatory animals are actually hunted down and eliminated, recreating the ecology before the arrival of humans.  Large areas are declared as nature reserves.  But this is just something it can do to stem the tide.  Climate change is on us.  Our seas are getting more acidic and glaciers on the mountains are obviously receding.  This will have complicated and perhaps unpredictable impact on life on earth.